Making Friends Through Fandom: A Beginners Guide to Concert Buddies & Online Besties
Because your future best mate might just be the girl wearing the same tour tee.
There’s something so special about fangirl friendships. They often start out small; a reply to a comment, a compliment on someone’s outfit, a shared scream when that song starts playing live. But somehow, they grow into the kind of connections that feel deep, fast. When you’re navigating your way through life at any age, those kinds of friendships can be everything.
If you’re new to fandom life, or just wondering how to make the most of the connections around it, here’s your guide to finding your people – online, in-person or maybe even at the next gig you’re brave enough to go to solo…
Let me start with a quick story. June 2024, I went with a friend to see Liam Gallagher at the O2. We did what we always do before a show – hit the Slug & Lettuce for cocktails and that gig night buzz. I spotted a woman sat nearby, drinking alone. I assumed she was waiting for someone, maybe her partner was at the bar or her friend was in the toilet. But no one joined her. When my friend went to queue for more drinks, I decided to say something – just a simple, “I love your shirt.” It was the Oasis Dig Out Your Soul album artwork, and it looked great on her.
That compliment turned into a full conversation. I invited her to sit with us, we all chatted about what we were excited to hear that night, our thoughts on if there’ll ever be a reunion (little did we know..!) shared drinks, took selfies and by the time we had to leave to find our seats we’d added each other on Facebook. Plot twist? She lives just 20 minutes from me in Dorset. Over 2 hours from the venue we were at in London. Small world!
If you’ve ever wanted to reach out to someone at a gig, DM a fan account or just feel more connected, here are some gentle tips – and reminders – for how to do it.
Compliment someone
Yes it’s that easy. Whether you’re in the merch queue, scrolling through someone’s concert photos on Instagram or spotting a cool outfit outside a venue, a quick ‘I love your look!’ or ‘That’s my favourite song too!’ can open a door. People love to be seen and in fandom, a compliment is more than just a nice thing to say. It’s a way of saying, Hey, I see you. We’re on the same wavelength.
Don’t be scared to start small online
You don’t have to slide into DMs right away. Start by replying to posts or stories, or reposting something with a comment. A lot of friendships start from regular interaction and remember – most people online are just as nervous as you are. A kind message or shared laugh over a meme can make someone’s day (and maybe lead to planning your next gig together).
Going to a concert alone? You’re braver than you think
Let’s be real – going solo can feel incredibly daunting, but it can also be freeing. You can do what you want, show up when you like, and honestly? It often makes it easier to talk to others. People tend to notice someone alone – in a good way. They’re more likely to strike up a conversation, invite you into their group selfie, or chat in the queue. We stick together.
If you’re nervous, try these small actions:
- Stand near others who look friendly – you don’t have to say anything right away.
- Ask someone if they’ve been to see the artist before.
- Compliment someone’s outfit/merch – easiest way to break the ice.
Another underrated move? Offer to take someone’s photo. Smash the brief. Get the angles. Make them feel like that girl. Compliment them, make them laugh, ask them to return the favour – it’s such an easy, natural way to start talking. Bonus points if you swap socials so you can see how the pics turned out on their feed later.
Dealing with anxiety when speaking to someone
You don’t need a huge personality to make a connection. Most people appreciate someone making the first move – even if it’s just one sentence. Try:
‘“Is this your first time seeing them live?”
“What do you think they’ll open with?”
“What are your thoughts on the support act?”
You can be friendly without overthinking it. You don’t have to be loud or overly confident – just genuine. And if it helps, remind yourself that people want to connect too. You’re not interrupting, you’re showing up, you’re connecting. That takes courage and it’s something to be very proud of.
Be the friend you’d want to meet
In fandom spaces – especially those built by women and non-binary fans, kindness stands out. Hype your mutuals. Don’t gatekeep. Offer to take someone’s photo. Share the setlist. Make space in the queue. Smile. The smallest gestures go a long way – and you never know who’s watching and quietly thinking, ‘She seems cool.’
Know the signs: When someone’s not your people
It’s important to acknowledge that not every interaction will be good vibes. Sometimes someone’s energy is off or they make you feel unsure. That’s okay – trust your gut.
Watch out for:
- People who make jokes at your expense
- Anyone who’s competitive, exclusive or dismissive of others in the fandom
- Pressure to share more than you want to (info, money, tickets, time)
A good fandom friend will respect your boundaries and make you feel hyped, not drained. Check in with yourself after an interaction. Do you feel energised or do you feel drained? Your body knows before our brain does.
The real magic? It’s in the shared love
The best part about making friends through fandom is that you start off already getting each other. You both cried over the same song, waited in the same online ticket queue and probably have the same TikTok audios looping in your brain. Whether it’s a friendship that lasts one night or one that becomes something more, it’s worth putting yourself out there.
So say hi. Start the chat. You don’t have to be the most confident person in the room – just the kindest. Your new favourite person might be standing just a few feet away, humming the same chorus.
