Words: Anna Marie

When it comes to boybands, I thought I’d been there, done that, and quite literally got the t-shirt. I spent my teens and early 20s completely absorbed in One Direction. One of my first crushes was Stephen Gately, co-lead singer of Boyzone. I’m still obsessed with 5SOS (whether they’re a boyband or not is not my business). I truly thought I had reached my maximum capacity for men who can sing in harmony. 

I had been orbiting the BTS fandom for years before I accepted that I was ARMY. I listened to their singles on release day, but never a full album; I watched all their interviews on U.S. talk shows but never their original content; I silently freaked out over how good they look in pictures but never looked up their names. The first reason I never allowed myself to delve any further into ARMY-dom is that I knew it would, to some extent, take over my life. I am a person who cannot just ‘like’ things; I either don’t care at all, or I’m completely in love with it, and I swore that I just didn’t have the time for BTS. And then the pandemic happened…

2020, amongst many other, more important, things, was the year I rejoined Tumblr (which I will not be linking here) and spent far more time on Twitter than I ever planned. A lot of us delved into fandoms new and old to help us cope with the pandemic; they kept us busy and created a space for social connection. So many people I follow within other fandoms also love BTS, and there are only so many GIFs of Taehyung a person can see before it begins to have a hypnotic effect.

The funny thing about loving BTS is how inevitable it feels. Like many ARMY, my first encounter with BTS came years before I fell down the rabbit hole. For me, it was in a uni lecture where we were studying celebrity and persona and my professor showed us the ‘Mic Drop (Remix)’ music video (worth noting that this predates the MOTS: Persona era so either my lecturer could see into the future or secretly works for HYBE). After watching the video, we were supposed to have a conversation about its representations of celebrity and many of my classmates had intelligent points to make but the only thing rattling around my brain was “Wow, that blond one has such pretty hair,” a person I now know to be Park Jimin. In that moment I was the epitome of ~no thoughts, just vibes~

That’s not to trivialise BTS or ARMY and say that people only become fans because of their good looks, though they are truly, exceedingly, attractive. Honestly, it was almost more like that I was so blown away by the artistry I was seeing that all my tiny brain could comprehend was the most familiar aspect: pop stars have nice hair.

My curiosity almost got the best of me then; it would have been so easy to slip into being ARMY. But at the time, I swore I was ‘too busy’ for another obsession, and would never have admitted how much of that statement stemmed from spending too much time around people who didn’t understand the vast majority of my interests, or how I went about indulging in them.

Since then, I listened to every song and watched every music video pretty much on release day, and I was particularly excited for ‘Boy With Luv’ and ‘Dream Glow,’ as I’m a big fan of both Halsey and Charli XCX. Please don’t get me wrong, I didn’t refuse my inevitable ARMY-hood out of derision or dismissiveness – I kept a fond and curious eye on BTS for the next couple of years. 

Now, like many ARMY, I kick myself for not falling sooner – there were so many missed opportunities. I nearly went to their Wembley and Rose Bowl dates of the Love Yourself: Speak Yourself stadium tour in 2019, but on both occasions decided against it for truly no reason. What if I never see ‘Dionysus’ live, huh? Did past-me not consider that?

Then, as I said, the pandemic hit. I had to finish my degree with no library access and without my final classes and was furloughed from my job. At first, I cycled through the fandoms I was already deeply entrenched in, reconnecting with artists I loved and using my nostalgia-filled, government-sanctioned daily walk as an opportunity to listen to albums I’d loved growing up. Eventually, though, that stopped being enough.

I’m not a person who watches a lot of TV or films, so you can usually find me watching the same YouTube interviews or compilations over and over again. ‘ON’ at Grand Central Station and Carpool Karaoke are two I’d particularly loved when they were released, so I’d hazard a guess that I probably started falling by rewatching them. 

But it truly began, in either February or March 2021, with a love of watching different performances of ‘Dynamite’ over and over. I loved seeing the consistency; they nailed the exact same choreography every time, and yet with the set, styling, and energy, every performance felt so different to the last. Then came the rehearsal videos, followed by compilations of their professionalism on stage (seriously how do they cover up their mistakes like that?). I googled their names, heights, zodiac signs and ages (yes, in that order). And then, I effectively signed my own warrant by watching some variation of ‘BTS funny moments,’ and we all know there’s no coming back from that.

There is categorically not a doubt in my mind that BTS have changed my life.

All seven members of BTS have wildly different personalities, and their innate synergy and understanding of each other seems to be both despite and because of this. As a chronic overthinker with cynical tendencies, j-hope and Jin are the members who inspire me the most, as they’re the members I naturally see myself in the least. They have taught, and continue to teach me the importance of rest, choosing hope, and “living without thinking”.

In particular, during times of stress, I find myself rereading j-hope’s Rolling Stone interview from last summer, which has perfect quotes on embracing every facet of your own self, and choosing which parts you direct your energy towards. More recently, it’s been Jin’s interview in Vogue Korea, where he spoke beautifully about the need to sometimes be selfish with your time. Jin very wisely dismisses the idea that we need to make every hobby purposeful, and points out that scheduling downtime in your diary is pretty redundant. At a time when so many of us are balancing different vocations and passion projects and trying to make every minute of our day useful, I find it genuinely really inspiring to see someone, who is clearly beyond hardworking, stress the need for, and the value of, so-called “lazy time”.

One of the most inspiring things about BTS, ARMY, and the dynamic between the two is the sincerity. ARMY are unabashedly earnest, which at first took me by surprise. I’ve witnessed many fandoms where the norm is to kind of dunk on your fave, perhaps stemming from over-familiarity or maybe even a false sense of ownership. That doesn’t really exist much here. The vast majority of ARMY love and admire BTS without shame, and that unapologetic sincerity then leaks into our non-parasocial relationships too. The apparent dynamics between BTS members have also taught so many of us the importance of showering your friends with gratitude, compliments, and physical affection too. 

BTS’ gratitude towards ARMY is everywhere you look too, to a frankly hilarious extent. Their love for their fandom runs deep and true, something I had dismissed at first glance a few years ago as just a nice idea; it comforts fans and is truly the best marketing technique you can think of. Those things are still true, but BTS and ARMY’s relationship is a lot more complex than that. All it takes is to watch one or two of their interviews to see that BTS truly cannot believe their luck when it comes to having such a dedicated and passionate fandom, which they totally should. They know that they’re like, really, really, good, right? No part of their appreciation comes across as ingenuine, and interactions between BTS and ARMY often just feel like one long “No, you hang up first” skit. 

Their gratitude is everywhere; in their lyrics, the thanks they give any chance they get, and it’s rare for a concert to go by without at least one of them being moved to tears by the overwhelming support of ARMY. Your love for an individual or collective has to run a lot deeper than just being thankful they pay your bills for you to get ‘ARMY’ tattooed across your knuckles like Jungkook did. I (probably? maybe?) wouldn’t do that for him, but he did it for us. Ok, yeah actually I probably would.

BTS have impacted my life in every way imaginable. I’ve met some of my best friends through them, and created relationships I’ll treasure for the rest of my life. I’m more motivated in my career, not only because one of my jobs is literally to talk about BTS, but because I see how hard they work and want to replicate that in my own life. I’ve had my eyes opened to cultures I wasn’t previously particularly aware of; I’m learning a new language. I’d like to think I’ve become kinder, and more honest and gentle as I see the softness with which Bangtan treats each other and their audience. The last year of my life has been transformed by BTS and all that they represent, and I have untold amounts of gratitude towards them.